my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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