she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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