I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
