Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
this is an emotional support booty call
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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