i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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