You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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