JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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