when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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