I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
