she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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