Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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