What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
