the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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