grandma shit on top of the toilet
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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