My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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