It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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