my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
