She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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