Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
