I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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