I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
