I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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