Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
