Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
