ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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