My cat gives me a boner
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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