We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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