i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
