please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize