shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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