And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
