i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize