guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
