Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
