My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
