beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize