Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
