I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
