Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
