it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
