I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
