I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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