Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
