I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drunk is not a location!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
