So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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