I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
