im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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