i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
