Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
