Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Operation Purity has been aborted
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
