I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
