bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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