How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
