remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
