how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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