I just threw up on my dentist
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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