was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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