i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
