You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
