We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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