I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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