took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
