We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
