i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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