Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
