What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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