he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
