I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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