when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
