His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
