and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
