Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
