i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
