his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
