Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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