I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
