it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
