Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
