Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
