Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
