i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
