I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
