I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
