sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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