...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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