Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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