i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
