I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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