Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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