fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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