I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
