What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize