You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
