The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize