Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
