Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize