You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
