so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
