I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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