I'm really into asian looking animals
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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