suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
