mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
